Тимонг Лайтбрингер - "Н" значит : Надежда [поэзия]

I am the man of sorts, you know,
And I can feel yours feelings flow,
And haven't mastered mine for now...
My love to you I did bestow.

What was my reason for such move ?
To you my love I'll never prove,
For you I'm but another buff,
So I am saying now - enough !

What was I thinking all that time ?
You were your own, never mine,
Sometimes all kind, in times all rough ...
But it's still such worthless stuff.

I am alone, I always was,
I am still living in the doze
That someone will accept my love ...
I will awaken, it's enough !

I'm tired of that endless fight,
I am no moth that will not bite
And crawl through your endless bluff ...
No more lying - it's enough !

I was the one to help you flight
And threw your past out of sight,
And yet it came to such a blight ...
In that I'm guilty - and still right.

I can forgive, I will forget
Of our past that makes me sad,
Such pretty looking, useless stuff...
No more such memories, enough !


I have no willing to decide
Of who is guilty, who is right,
The separation is too tough,
No more talk for now ... enough.

I am walking through the rain
And my soul groans with pain,
Cursed be the love like blain -
It’s the soul’s bloody stain !

This is like the hellish rain -
One without goodness gain,
One with brutal, sudden end,
Greatest torture of the land.

I am screaming in the night,
I am begging for the light -
One to free me of the chain,
And extinguish fiery rain,

One to heal scorched heart,
One to be my soul guard,
One to help me understand
That nowhere in earth land

It is possible to find
Shining love, still being blind,
Golden heart, all being poor,
Paradise with lifetime guar.
I am passing in the night
And its darkness makes me blind,
And its chill touch makes me wonder
Will I need those lights with thunder,

Will I live that life with pain
As remainder of my gain,
As a token of my blight,
As a sign of former might?

There is no escape, no hiding
From that constant essence tidying,
From that endless stream of pain …
No escape from hellish rain.

Let it rain, I don't care !
Almost naked, soul-bare,
I will stand against pain,
I will bless my burning rain,

I shall find way through the night,
And will earn the other sight,
Truly love I shall once find,
On its wings I'll fly with wind.


I am walking through the rain,
I have thrown away the pain,
I am singing in the night …
Gleam in tunnel shines me bright.

I can't hold my tears,
My soul is on the spears,
I cannot stop my mind,
Tranquility can’t find.

I've lost my will in space,
I've sold my soul in time,
I've burned my wings in race …
Will peace be ever mine?

I cannot hold my anger
Even in times of danger,
Even in times of need
My spirit it still feed.

I cannot find the hope -
My fate is but to mope,
My fate is to obey,
I'm a useless prey.

I cannot see the light -
It is but darkest night,
I've lost my right and ways
To walk in sunny rays.

I've lost my faith in all …
Is that how we do fall?
Is that how we become
Ghosts in the days to come?

I may not see the light,
Yet I was always right -
Once anger makes you blind
Yours peace you'll never find.

Once soul becomes a mess
You will start to regress,
And one day you'll become
Shadow in days to come.


I cannot hold my tears
They came, my darkest fears -
I shall not stop the mind
Thus peace I'll never find...

It is but magic, foulest sort,
And for this world I have retort -
My run is not like endless sport,
In love and peace I want resort !

I've seen them all, I've met a lot,
But chosen one I've found not.
I've grown strong, earn more money...
I'm still alone ... is that but funny ?!

I want to love, enough of tortures,
Enough of endless, useless searches !
Enough of pain for the heart
And throw away that fucked regard !

Enough of quirks, my buggy mind,
The one I want I'll never find !
Her image died so long ago...
I cannot find her in the Row !

They are all busy, or have man,
This but repeats for now and then,
They disappeared all in mist
And left me with my tears to feast.

I've talked them all, I've seen a lot,
I've left my hopes for now to rot
And only pain I've got,
But chosen one I've found not...

The logic shatters, mind dissolves,
And hope flushes out through the holes,
The world you saw, the world you knew...
Forget them, you've been born anew.

Is that so difficult to feel
That you are nothing, but a meal,
That you are no one, but a slave ?
You will be damned, won't be saved.

He'll left those poor ones to die
And yet he'll save that richest guy,
He'll punish faithful, help the evil...
Just who's this one? No, not a devil.

He kills the justice, ruins faith,
He's one to call "Your Divine Grace"
As you do stand in final court,
And being judged for being coward,

And being mocked for being poor
And not to choose the pleasure tour,
And to believe in justice - thing,
Which even He once tried to fling...


He did forget of our world,
There is no wisdom to unfold,
There is no justice to behold
And only death for those too bold.

Stop crying now, there is no one
To help you, man, they all but gone,
They disappeared with the wind,
Theirs empathy you shall not find.

You see it now? You’re left alone,
Your so-called 'friends' were quickly gone,
And so-called 'love' abandoned you,
Devoted ones ... they are so few.

Strong-willed men ... do they exist?
There is but one, the very least.
You know this one - this one is you,
You wanted more? No, they are few.

You wanted friend? Accept your rival.
You wanted sun? Yours day is nival.
You wanted help? You'll get no one.
Accept, that, man - you'll find it fun.

You hoped for trust? You'll find suspicion.
Your eyes are clear? They'll dim your vision.
You struggled for freedom? You are bound
And understanding won't be found.

No one cares of the others
No one sees us, men, as brothers,
No one's willing to escape
Bonds of hatred, minds of slave.

You'll find it fun one lonely day
To see those heartless as live's prey,
Theirs shadows dim the light of sun
For their hearts are in the run.


No love - but a despair, you'll learn one day - that's fair,
It must be diamond-rare for no one truly care...

The thoughts are pooling through the mind,
But answers you will never find,
And He, who only judged and blamed
Will never make you feel ashamed.

The One, who cares not of us,
But who grabs souls in his pass,
The One who cursed you with a bane
To feel and act like an insane...

Oh, but he listens not to you,
The ones he listened to were few,
Or there were none at all
For they were burned in their fall.
Remember times, when you were young
Respected leader of the gang?
Or maybe earlier than that,
Admiring dead, silenced cat?

Remember death, who looked so true,
When mother died when you were two?
And how you clinged for the life...
All for survive, all to survive !?

Perhaps He cursed your father too
And left his body as a clue?
For just to shatter bonds of fate
He disappeared when you were eight...

In fear for your own life
You started robbing to survive,
And soon you joined with the others -
Your bloody-bounded cursed brothers.

Together you were real power,
Who were soon christened in blood's shower...
And that is how you have been done -
The Cursed One, and a sin's son.



But these days have long since passed...
Your darkest times, as you've guessed,
For nothing is born without reason
Even in murky, darkest prison.

...There were times when you cried
"Why ?! Torture no more - let me die !"
...But no one listens, no one hears,
It's all but roar in your ears...

But nothing is forever here -
Your hate, your curse, your life and gear,
And just to strengthen bonds of thee
For now you'll never be set free.

To see the sun, to look at moon…
And only death will come too soon,
Silencing all that has been done
And stopping runner in his run.


You have your time before it comes
To reconsider earned sums,
To reconsider deeds that done,
To once again look at sun.

And only then the time you die
You will be given wings to fly...

I see myself between the two -
But one is false, and one is true,
For one is night and one is day
No matter what the others say.

The first is silent, first is cold,
One needs to be both hot and bold
To dare melt that icy heart.
Will you succeed? Go try it, but...

The second is both warm and kind,
It may be not so sharp in mind,
It may be not so swift in tongue -
But it had never-ever stung.

The first is like secular lioness -
It is the grace, it is the finesse,
It is the beautiful snowflake …
But what one's hands with it will make ?

The second's like domestic cat -
To see you home she's always glad,
And she will rub about knees
To make you happy and to please.

The first is the unwilling one
To share moon, to share sun,
To share failure and success -
It's not accustomed to stress.

The second will go hand-in-hand
By any road, through any land,
In any way you just have sighted -
And in that way you'll be united.

The first will look but with contempt
If you have riches that not tempt,
If you first offer own love -
Like useful slave you'll always bow.

The second will ask for but love
That's warm as sun, and fly as dove,
Will look at you with gleaming glance -
And that's the main dif-fe-rence.

 Listen now, oh Never One,
Hear me, your worthless son,
Burn my soul, tie my eyes,
Oh ... revenge my useless cries !

You are but excuse of God,
Nothing good I've ever got,
Nothing fair, nothing right,
Pity "faith" won't cloud the mind.

Pity faith will never help
Cruel, foul, evil whelp !
Useless faith does not exist,
And no more my sight will twist.

I do see you very clear …
Never-ever were you near,
Far beyond the line of sight,
Full of divine, useless might,

Full of hatred, full of greed,
On the suffering you've feed
Like a monstrous, hellish beast ...
No, no more my sight will twist !

The pleads, the begging, the despair...
Were these calls not fully fair?
What is else do you need
To reply us, humans breed?!

Why, why, why, for heaven's sake
Have you brought us in your wake,
Have abandoned long ago?!
Leave me be, extinguish, go !

Disappear from my life,
You are like a skinning knife
Making wounds only deeper...
You won't have me, butcher-reaper !

So be cursed, useless one,
Die in mind of every son
And be healed, like a fever,
We don't need you, never-ever...

But when my time for you will come
I'll face you straight - and I won't run...
For I am too a heaven's son,
The one, who's free - the Faithless One.